As my erotic blog goodgirlturnedslut.blogspot.com kept filling up with my soul business, I decided I might as well make an honest woman of myself and start up this sister blog. You may justifiably ask why it is that I choose to have my soul's business out on the internet. Well, I'm a a ponderer, a thinker, I seek to understand, often too hard. Focusing my mind to wrap this swirl of thoughts into words that might be comprehensible to another human being is incredibly helpful to me. Yes, of course, I could just write a private journal, but actually it's not the same. Knowing that another person, a person I don't even know, may read my words gives it a whole different impetus. I also believe that as human beings we have a deep need to be seen, witnessed, seen for all of who we are. Just the one girl, just the one person. What is more, I love words, I love language, I love taking complex thoughts and feelings and searching for just the right words until I know you can feel what I'm feeling - you can be right there with me and I no longer alone.



Showing posts with label On being German. Show all posts
Showing posts with label On being German. Show all posts

Friday, 26 March 2010

Burning houses - past and present

God, I've literally just watched the house opposite ours burn out! I was mucking around in the bathroom and kept hearing sounds of breaking glass. My stupid thought was that we must have missed the recycling day - again! But when I looked out of the living room window, there was black smoke billowing out of the first floor window of a house a terrace below ours! What I'd heard were the windows exploding! I almost went into shock. This seems ridiculous, there was no danger to our house and I'd seen lots of fires before on TV, but this just sent my mind spinning. God, what do I do, do I call the fire brigade? Yes, of course that's what you do. Is 999 the right number for that??? I kept thinking 112, 112, but that's flipping Germany - I've not even lived there for 16 years!!! So I grabbed the phone and dialled 999, forgot to say what town I was in until prompted and when I put the phone down the sirens where already sounding anyway. I couldn't help but keep watching, my heart beating fast, as the smoke billowed and squeezed itself through every gap in the tiled roof. The fire started to eat a hole through the roof, threatening to spread down the terrace to the houses on either side. Not much later and I saw the first fireman on the groundfloor. I was relieved, this was going to be ok now. Perhaps 10 minutes and it was all under control. However, in those few minutes the first floor of the house had been almost completely burnt out and next door's curtains looked half gone - the fire had made it across after all.

I couldn't get over how shocked I felt and of course, as they always do, my meaning-making faculties set in. Given that I was writing about loss yesterday, this is the kind of random event that can put things into perspective.