As my erotic blog goodgirlturnedslut.blogspot.com kept filling up with my soul business, I decided I might as well make an honest woman of myself and start up this sister blog. You may justifiably ask why it is that I choose to have my soul's business out on the internet. Well, I'm a a ponderer, a thinker, I seek to understand, often too hard. Focusing my mind to wrap this swirl of thoughts into words that might be comprehensible to another human being is incredibly helpful to me. Yes, of course, I could just write a private journal, but actually it's not the same. Knowing that another person, a person I don't even know, may read my words gives it a whole different impetus. I also believe that as human beings we have a deep need to be seen, witnessed, seen for all of who we are. Just the one girl, just the one person. What is more, I love words, I love language, I love taking complex thoughts and feelings and searching for just the right words until I know you can feel what I'm feeling - you can be right there with me and I no longer alone.



Saturday 26 June 2010

Day 16* - Oh my god, I'm pregnant!!!!

I know I have been quiet. Quietly incubating the cell balls, as calmly as possible getting through the infamous 2 week wait to precisely THIS morning. Pregnancy test time!!!

It was weird - I've done these in the past, normally with almost no hope that the two lines would eventually come up, feeling incapable of imagining that one day they actually would. So in the run-up to this morning I couldn't quite imagine it. On the other hand, I was feeling so happy and optimistic that I couldn't quite imagine that it hadn't worked either. Whenever I brought my attention into my belly I found this huge smile spreading over my face and a small bubbles of excitement rising up. I kept trying very hard the last two weeks not to read too much into that, just so I wouldn't be quashed with disappointment. I kept carefully tracking the odd moments of nausea, one instance of lower back pain, sore nipples, knowing fully well they could all be good signs, but they could also be side effects from the high dose progesterone supplements.

So this morning came. If it hadn't been for all the excitement and nerves, the beautiful morning sun of a perfect day would have tickled me awake anyway by 6 o'clock. I woke my beloved next to me - not having passed out on the sofa at 10.30 like I had, he wasn't quite so sprightly yet. We climbed down to the living room, he unwrapped the test stick for me and off I went armed with my morning me. I capped it, came back to the living room, put it on the table and covered it with the instructions. We timed: 1 minute, 2 minutes, 3 minutes. I really didn't want to pull the paper away, steeling my mind for seeing a single line. I took a deep breath and did it! There they were two fat pink lines - the test line even fatter than the control. "Oh my god!!!!" I think was what I said and "Our cell balls rule!" Tears shot into my eyes and I was laughing. P. just very quietly went "Wow!", not quite able to take it in yet.

So at this point, I also want to say "wow!" and a big thank you to all who have willed us and the cell balls on! We are of course mindful that it's early days yet and of course your good wishes are always deeply appreciated. xxxx
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2 comments:

  1. nicholas butler6 July 2010 at 15:21

    Having been quietly following your blog for a while now I am sure you can appreciate how happy I am for you right now.

    keep writing, keep talking , your awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous31 July 2010 at 18:59

    I am so happy for you. I wish you, P and your new baby all the best and you are the most amazing woman a man can ever ask for. A gorgeous woman who is the greatest lover in the bedroom. Exactly what a guy needs.

    A

    ReplyDelete

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