As my erotic blog goodgirlturnedslut.blogspot.com kept filling up with my soul business, I decided I might as well make an honest woman of myself and start up this sister blog. You may justifiably ask why it is that I choose to have my soul's business out on the internet. Well, I'm a a ponderer, a thinker, I seek to understand, often too hard. Focusing my mind to wrap this swirl of thoughts into words that might be comprehensible to another human being is incredibly helpful to me. Yes, of course, I could just write a private journal, but actually it's not the same. Knowing that another person, a person I don't even know, may read my words gives it a whole different impetus. I also believe that as human beings we have a deep need to be seen, witnessed, seen for all of who we are. Just the one girl, just the one person. What is more, I love words, I love language, I love taking complex thoughts and feelings and searching for just the right words until I know you can feel what I'm feeling - you can be right there with me and I no longer alone.



Tuesday 15 June 2010

Day 5* - cell balls coming home!

Wow! Wow! Wow! Our cell balls rule! They've been dividing beautifully ever since day 1. Yesterday four of the six were reaching blastocyst stage and are ready to transfer today. It is around this time that naturally fertilised blastocysts would also implant in the womb i.e. any IVF embryos that have made it this far have a really good chance of implanting. So today we're having two transferred. It took the full five days of reading and talking until we decided we were definitely going with two. Funny actually, I was stressing because I was sure P. would opt for just one and completely surprised when he also thought we should go with two!

So in a couple of days time I could be pregnant - not that I'll know it for another 10 days or so, but I could be. It's actually a strange thought to get my head around after all this time. I don't think it fully hit me until I bought the pregnancy tests yesterday. It suddenly feels like there's a whole new strange life potentially ahead of us. P.'s been getting it too. He's been talking about getting a grip at work (rather than having it as easy as possible) and yesterday he called me out of the blue about a bigger flat he'd seen online. We spent half the evening looking at estate agents website and school reports to see where we should or shouldn't move to. Before you worry - yes, this may look premature, but I really believe that this is just a question of time now. I don't mean believe in a magical kind of way, but simply based on scientific probability.

How strange, how strange! Tonight I'll be back on this sofa with two little cell balls in my womb, urging them to lie back and get comfortable. I've considered reading German books to them - a little strange and ineffective as my husband pointed out - but it'll make me happy :-)

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