Day 25 - Life, wildly unpredictable

Gosh, day 25 already and barely keeping up with the writing. I’m pleased to report that my low mood didn’t last more than a couple of days. On the upswing I went a little wild! The “is this really wise” voice in my head sits there shaking her head at me, but I’m running with it. After all, only a couple more days and this will all get much more serious, as I’m about to find out whether the stimulating regime is doing anything at all. I might calm down a little then.

Meanwhile, I’ve managed to cause somewhat of a stir by engaging in oral sex with my friend at a small local fetish night and then having the gall to complain on a forum that everybody else was basically boring. Well, I didn’t put it that way – I’m far too politely constructive for that. I didn’t quite expect the debate that ensued. If there’s one thing I’m not in every day life, then it’s controversial! Interesting experience!

On the weekend I had a coffee date with a potential dom guy who was entirely lovely but who I didn’t really feel any chemistry with, to both our disappointment. Maybe I should have described the St. Paul’s guy to him – who was easily the most beautiful man I have ever had sex with, but with whom there simply wasn’t much of a spark either. Just a little later that evening however, I managed to completely fall for a girl who I’d never have predicted I’d fall for and found myself bursting with chemistry and spiritual connection, all in such a short space of time. I hardly got any sleep that night, had to stumble home in the morning for my injections and got to work very late! I’ve never actually met someone by chance before and then just spent the night. That may surprise you, but I have been with my man for 17 years and our swinging has had much more defined parameters. I don’t know where this is going to go yet or how long it may last, especially at a time when the voice is telling me I should play life safe. I’m probably just facing up to the fact that I’m essentially polyamorous. Meanwhile, this hasn’t really stopped me looking for a dom either. One I’m having drinks with tomorrow and another is driving me plain insane with his messages.

All of this – the emotion and the d/s flirtation - is bringing memories of Him back to me. He’s now seemingly a Dad. I thought that would upset me, but actually I found myself feeling a warm glow for all three of them. I’m guessing the last thing that they’ll need now is to be reminded of me, but if you’re still reading this: “Congratulations, I’m so pleased for you! He’s just as beautiful as his parents! I wish you all very, very well!” Ah, maybe, maybe, maybe, it’ll be us soon. Incidentally, finding this out was probably my last act of cyber-stalking you. We barely ever go to the club where we met anymore, so you can relax, there should be no difficult meetings and certainly no bunny-boiler incidents. One day I’ll write my book, you can sue me then ;-) Meanwhile I hope you keep well and fortune favours your cards. xxxx